What's best for our kids?
My husband told me a story that encapsulates one of the central dilemmas of parenting.
He is a product manager for a multinational tech company and recently he started managing new graduate employees. As an ice breaker exercise, he has everyone describe their first job. My first job was at a pub in the town where I lived; my husband worked at a curtain factory in Drogheda.
The new grads, alumni of places like MIT and Stanford, all have the same answer: their first jobs were tutoring. David was telling me this story as we walked to Tesco with our daughter in her buggy. “I thought I wanted Margot to have street smarts, but now I think I just want her to have smart smarts”, he said.
At that exact moment, a man holding a can of beer walked past us shouting, “I’ve been on the lash for four days.” We live in Inchicore, which is populated by a diverse community of working and professional class people, but our village is somewhat down at heel. Lots of empty buildings, too many pubs and takeaways.
We chose this area for its proximity to our jobs, the wonderful parks, and our climbing gym. It was affordable and we liked the diversity of the neighbourhood. With some belt tightening we could live in a more affluent part of the city, but we felt that environment wouldn’t be right for raising children.
Now we have Margot, and we’re questioning that assumption. The Irish Times reports that junior infants from poorer areas are more likely to lack key skills, due to scarcity of play space. The deficiency makes it harder for kids to learn to read and write, as they lack the coordination that comes from having room to roam.
It’s unlikely our child will fall into this category, she has space at home to buzz about with her toys, and we visit the playground or park daily. I was showing the study to my husband when he noted, regardless of our own child’s ability, the teacher would still have to spend more time on remedial skills, and this was a disadvantage for the children who were ready to read.
The central question of parenting is always, “how do I do the best for my child?” But maybe we are too focused here; it’s not good enough to do your best for your own kid, we have to do what’s best for their peers too.
When I was pregnant and nesting I listened to a This American Life podcast about the desegregation of American schools after Brown v Board. Decades of research showed that integration of wealthier white students with poorer black and brown students was the most successful tool for cutting the achievement gap. No other programs, interventions, or funding were as effective for improving the educational outcomes for poor students. Simply being in the same room as more affluent white kids led to better test results and graduation rates.
In Ireland we have our own version of segregated education. I’m a product of it. I went to a fee-paying secondary school which had better facilities, resources, and alumni network, or so we were told, than the local schools. There are dozens of such schools in Ireland, leading to “opportunity hoarding” for the children of the elite. I hate the idea that we would perpetuate this system.
We have some time before we have to make any difficult decisions for Margot. We are planning to send her to the Deis school across the road, but we still hope her first job won’t be in a curtain factory.